It happened. Yesterday, while knitting on the couch, I sneezed.
This wasn’t just any sneeze though… this was my first post-surgery sneeze. The one that I was completely dreading. That I had been warned about. The sneeze that haunted my thoughts. The sneeze that I was sure would feel as if my chest was splitting open and the bar was punching my lungs.
Since my surgery, I’d had several of the “ahh… ahhh… AHHHHH….” noisy inhales that lead to a sneeze, but it was as if my body shut them down before the “CHOOOO” could follow.
“You’re not ready for that yet,” my body said.
But then, as mentioned, yesterday it happened. I could feel it coming. I accepted my fate and awaited the painful, agonizing “CHOO!”
And you know what? It wasn’t terrible. Typically my sneezes bring to mind terms like “explosive,” “messy,” or possibly even “equine.” But his sneeze was soft and gentle, maybe even dainty. It didn’t hurt a bit. It also wasn’t nearly as brain-clearingly satisfying as my pre-surgery ones, but I was completely fine with that. 🙂
All of this is a strange way of saying that I’m feeling a bit better. When I wrote my last update two weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged and extremely uncomfortable. Today, as I type this, I’m sitting up at the table, my back only mildly aching. I’m just taking Ibuprofen instead of the strong painkillers and muscle relaxers I was on back then. Sure, my chest aches a bit. My endurance isn’t great. I am SO tired of sleeping flat on my back. BUT I’ve come a long way. God brought me out of a painful and tough time and I can feel the promise of healing ahead.
God has taught me in the last few weeks that when I’m not focused on myself, I’m not focused on my pain. I’ve been challenged to look at His promises, sacrifices and love. I’ve seen the compassion of friends and family, and I’ve tried to find ways to give back to them. I’ve been blessed with laughter and hope, even in the most painful moments.
I can testify, God is good. ALL THE TIME. Even when we’re blinded by earthly circumstances and can’t see it. He loves us, cares for us, and teaches us to trust him… sometimes through something and silly and simple as a sneeze.